I Want a Robot Baby That Looks Like R2D2

Are you about to have a baby but want a bit of training before your little one pops into its new world? Interested in testing your parenting skills on a robot infant that looks like it got flattened by a steamroller? Do you trust any crazy device created by the Japanese?

Then have we got the weird made-in-Japan flat-baby parenting tool for you! Cnet's got a report on Yotaro, which looks like one of those older reject androids in that "flesh fair" in the movie AI: Artificial Intelligence.

If you want a realistic parenting simulation, the kind that probably would have made me think twice about having children in the first place, try this:

Wake up tomorrow around 5am. This part is just a warm-up for the real thing. Go to bed around 11:30, but before you do, set a battery-operated alarm clock — the loudest alarm you could find — for 1am, but make sure you put it in another bedroom.

Once the alarm goes off, fight with your spouse over whose turn it is to shut it off. No matter how the argument goes, it'll be your turn. Take the alarm clock — do not shut it off — and hold it to your chest as if you were going to burp it. Then pace back and forth from living room to kitchen for about 15 minutes. Turn off the alarm clock and pace for another 15 minutes, then turn the alarm on and pace for another 15 minutes, then pace for another half hour.

Then reset the alarm to go off in 90 minutes, put it back in the other bedroom, then go back to bed. When the alarm goes off, start the process again.

And that is but a hint of what those first 100 days will probably be like.

Or, you'll hire a night nurse or your kid will be much more agreeable than mine. In either case, I'll hate you. Read more...