Also in the news...

VIRAL VIDEO: My son recently discovered the joy of dominoes. Mind you, he mainly prefers for ME to complete all of the actual design work and construction, while he absorbs the task of toppling that first precarious piece. I don't think I can show him this record-breaking setup (which took an amazing 1.5 hours to collapse to completion), however -- mainly because I don't know how well playing with fire would go over with CPS.

"Gogola" is obviously not as generous as "Google": Internet behemoth bestows nearly $40,000 in prizes and cash on American kids who win its contests. Their little Indian counterparts: not so many rupees.

Pops, you're the tops: New dads in the U.K. to receive "Dad Card" (a handy pocket guide that includes everything from tips on how "to raise happy children" to making sure they get all the state benefits they're entitled to) after the birthing event.

Maybe this is why Obama's a little antsy to get the hell out of Kabul: 75 percent of teens "unfit" to serve in the American armed forces due to wide-scale ignorance, obesity, and criminality.

Not such a beautiful day in this Pittsburgh neighborhood: Critics slam "muddy" Mr. Rogers statue.

Blame it on the amygdala: Do your kids like to scale the armoire, jump off the bed, and race around with reckless abandon? Congratulations -- you just may be raising the world's future criminals.

Ho, ho, holy crap: Santa arrested for running sex-tourism ring.

And I was hoping that Fruit RollUps and Oreos would soon be receiving that handy green check to assuage my guilt over continually buying such products for my children: FDA suspends "Smart Choices" nutritional labeling program, claims it's "misleading."

Break out the Mountain Dew for breakfast: Juice contains more calories, just as much sugar as soda.

Better late than never: Library books returned a half-century late.