But If Her Parenting Goes Slower Than 55mph, She Explodes!

A custody battle is brewing between Jesse James, a guy who appears on TV shows I don't watch as well as an annoying T-Mobile commercial with a bunch of people I hate, including Chevy Chase and Whoopi Goldberg and Phil Jackson, and his ex-second-wife Janine Lindemulder, over their 5-year-old daughter, Sunny.

James is currently married to Sandra Bullock, star of those record-topping blockbusters All About Steve and The Net, and the two are now trying to gain full custody of James' daughter, now that Lindemulder, a member of the Adult Video News hall of fame who appeared on Blink-182's Enema of the State cover and in films like Maneater (not a Hall & Oates documentary — you'll learn that the hard way) is out of prison for tax evasion.

A recap in the Telegraph reports:

In a statement to court, James suggested Sunny may not be safe with his ex-wife, adding that she should be "restrained from allowing the child around pornographers, drug addicts, guns and firearms, felons and other unsafe environments."

Lindemulder can counter that if Sunny lived full-time with James and Bullock, the girl won't be around guns and firearms, but she will be exposed to Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous.

Of course, when I see a headline like this:

...I see "battle" and "pornography actress" and all I can picture is a wrestling match with a high oil-or-mud-to-clothing ratio.

And it would be much better than Speed 2: Cruise Control, for sure. Read more...