Also in the news...

VIRAL VIDEO: Kid recites Kurt Russell speech from Miracle. In related news, dad under fire for letting him watch the movie 150 times.

Now what happens if you offer them a candy cigarette? Sweets turn kids into criminals -- smoking just makes them psychotic.

Tell your little ones they'd better mind teacher, or they could get slapped with a $260 Class C misdemeanor ticket like this "delinquent" did.

PRODUCT ALERT: Build-an-Afterbirth: Maybe you haven't quite come around to encapsulating and eating your own placenta. But you can always make a teddy bear out of it!

And for those who do enjoy an afterbirth appetizer, serve up a side of placenta with that porterhouse, please: Baby born in upstate-NY steakhouse parking lot.

Plain old wacky tabacky or a bona fide cannabis cure? Some parents turn to reefer to calm their own nerves, but this mom used the herb to treat her son's autism, with surprising (and encouraging) results.

Eh -- I'd rather chill out at the movies, sleep late on Saturdays, and be able to master the NY Times crossword puzzle in peace: Lots of women just not interested in having kids.

Does your child want to dress up like AC/DC's Angus Young and annihilate lawn gnomes with a Les Paul? Submit her request to a wish-granting charity and that dream may come true.

Dieting at age 9? Bikini waxes at 10? Study shows alarming milestones for Australian girls.

WTF, MOM! Science experiment gone wrong? Mom lets daughter ride in cardboard box on roof of moving van.

Kids can be a lot of work -- not to mention the expense. Why not adopt a monkey instead? That's exactly what these folks on TLC's newest reality show did.