They Will Be Armed With Thin Mints

To better fight "hurricanes, pandemics, terror attacks and other disasters," the Department of Homeland Security announced that it's bringing out the big guns:

Girl Scouts.

They're getting a new patch and everything!

Though I'm not trying to knock them...I thought it was silly that they renamed their Samoas as "Caramel DeLites" and they actually have a patch called "Girls Are Great."

I liked this tidbit from the article:

During World War II, Girl Scouts "operated bicycle courier services, invested more than 48,000 hours in Farm Aid projects, collected fat and scrap metal, and grew Victory Gardens," according to Girl Scouts of the USA.

"Collected fat"? As if making an 11-year-old haul rusting Studebaker fenders isn't bad enough, we made these poor girls wander the country with large jars, going door-to-door, asking for fat to help with the war effort.

Some grandma somewhere is probably thinking, as she knits in her rocking chair and wonders why it's still too cold even though the thermostat is up all the way and she's wearing two blankets, "Kids today with their iPhones and their rock 'n' roll music...in my day you had two choices: scrap metal or fat. If you were lucky, you got to collect the scrap metal. You had to carry an entire chain-link fence on your back, and you liked it, because if you had to collect fat, God help ya. You only got one fat-jar — it was actually an old pickle jar, but we'd eat the pickles for dinner and drink the juice for dessert — and if your fat-jar was full, it didn't matter. You still had to cram more fat in there, and the fat would spill down the sides and gunk up the threads so the lid wouldn't close right..."

Anyway, I can't seem them allowing fat-collecting these days. Being surrounded by all those lipids would give the modern girl body-image anxiety! Read more...