They Probably Start Listening to NPR in Kindergarten

As if its citizens aren't already smug, Burlington, Vermont, is supposably the best place to raise your kid, according to Children's Health magazine.

Why, you ask? Well, the education system works, the people have advanced degrees, and the incomes are high. Also, "there's less obesity here than anywhere else in the country, possibly because the city also has the fewest fast-food restaurants per capita."

So, right there, my kids would immediately want to run away from home in search of a Happy Meal — though I'd know they'd always end up at the Ben & Jerry's factory in town — and they'd probably grow bored of staring at the leaves turning color with their egghead classmates.

Meanwhile, about those other cities...

Baton Rouge — one of the nation's most violent cities, in a state where fewer than a quarter of the children know what an apple is — was ranked #68. Meaning 32 other cities are worse places to raise your kids!

Orlando ranked #98. Nice work, Walt Disney.

Fargo, with an average January low temperature of 2 below and yearly snowfall of 38 inches, came in third place, after Burlington and Madison. Fargo might be a great place for the kids, but did the magazine consider the parents who have to live there, too?

Yonkers made the top ten at, well, #10. Yonkers? The same place that when I drive through it, I make sure all my doors are locked?

And coming in at the very bottom...Detroit. Congratulations! Now you're known for more than just one of the most corrupt governments in the country, as well as the worst football team in history!
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