Alabama, you're not doing yourself any favors. I mean, if I asked anyone to play Match Game and Gene Rayburned, "A headline today says, Family feud turns into riot in small [blank] town," no one (except maybe Charles Nelson Reilly) is going to say "Rhode Island."You know this little melee had to have occurred down South for three reasons.
1. It involved "up to 150 screaming people hurling tire irons and wielding baseball bats." Let me shamelessly admit that if I were ever in a scrum and require the employment of a tire iron as a cudgel, I would have quite a hard time even finding the damn thing. Does anyone north of the Mason-Dixon ever use a tire iron so often that it's the go-to weapon in a fight? The only notable offensive weapon in my car is the back support of Jackson's booster seat.
2. One cop was quoted as saying that the rioters were "throwing jack irons, throwing tire irons, anything they could get their hands on." What the hell is a "jack iron"? It sounds like a synonym for "tire iron" but based on his usage of both terms in the same sentence, it must be something else. Or maybe in that part of the country they have several ways to describe the "specialized metal tool used in working with tires that have inner tubes" (thank you, Wikipedia), like the way the Eskimos supposedly have 100 ways to say "snow."
3. "The town's police chief was hit in the head with a crowbar but was OK." Where else could a person (the friggin' chief of police!) get hit in the head with a crowbar and be "OK"?
Can't wait until when the families get together on Thanksgiving!
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